Matilda

For the past four months Ive been doing a self evaluation once a week. Yesterday I was sitting with a friend who knows little about me & I know little her about as well. I havent really opened up to anyone about my stance on my beliefs and religion. Ive been taking on each day at a time. For 6 years I was in the full time ministry (as in getting paid to go to church etc etc). Thats all I knew. Last year I realized Id never been to church on my own. Isnt that shocking? Never once did I get up & want to go to church in the past SIX YEARS. When I was a child I would beg my mom to take me. Sometimes she would even ground me from attending. I knew when I was 17 that God placed this huge passionate desire to reach out to young folks in the inner city because thats where I was reached. I started to do youth rallies with my friends and last year I got pretty serious and started getting all this help. It became super overwhelming. I was discouraged. I had people saying, “we support you but we’ll stand back and not help you.” like there words were all they had. I was driving back home from having dinner with josh and michelle tonight…i started to think about where I went wrong. What did I do to have been brought so far? I examined my surroundings from this time last year and this time now. This time last year I had bystanders in my life. This time now I have participators in my life. People who are doing life with me. Not just watching. I would like to think this is what church should be like. A group of people living life to the fullest and not holding their breath for heaven or for Jesus to come back. A group of people willing to examine themselves and embrace their flaws. A group of people who fear God and love him at the same time. As I sat there opening up to this friend sharing our thoughts about Jesus and life, i geniunely felt free. God. Crying out to God knowing youre not alone. God setting me up. Setting up my surroundings.

Who am I?

I am typing this on my phone while laying in my bed. I have a stained shirt on. I just killed a spider. For a week now I’ve been dancing in my sleep. Feeling restless in my skin when I arise; I can see the change in my body, I can feel the sadness in my heart to long for something greater, for something not near. The dreams I have, (because thats all I do have) when I close my eyes are more real than the air I gasp for when I awake from my slumber. More real than the blurry vision I see when the sun hits my face at the crack of dawn. Who Am I? For years, I listened to the opinion & beliefs of others so passionately that I am one of them. As much as, I would love to be different; I am. I must love the path I’ve chosen because I have been given free will. I must deal with the consequences of actions. The actions that make a pot hole in Houston bigger, like a dry sponge soaking up water…i am expanding. I must live with the expansion or take action. Who am I? I voice my speech on facebook & receive comments, messages, phone calls & judgemental remarks all from people who barely know me. You saw me pass you in a hallway & now you care? Please let me save us some time & walk away. You can pray to God to save my soul but he already has. He sees my heart. He knows my thoughts. He gets me. Who am I? God who am I?

it’s been a year a long long year

finish what you start

Hey People of the internetz,

I officially blogged a year straight. except for missing most of april. which is due to being extremely busy. hopefully i’ll be able to jump back on this train but as for now i must lay it down. I recently received a raise at work & have been taking care of my health & well-being. I also booked a spontaneous trip to California with a good friend in June & I’ll be heading out to Oklahoma, Austin & Louisiana in the month of May. I’ll be in New York for New Years & Hopefully in Boston for August/September. I’m excited about travelling for work and for pleasure. Josh & I have been together a strong 4 months. We’ll be hosting a party for our 6 month anniversary. It’s big deal because commitment is a big deal to me so we’re gonna celebrate being friends and loving each other unconditionally. I have a new car, new glasses, a new tattoo & my own NEW furniture. I’m also thinking about going back to school. Hopefully I’ll set up an appointment with someone at the local college next wk. Lately, I’ve been thinking about where I was a few years ago… “in the middle of a move of God” & where I am now…which is doing the complete opposite of what I’ve ever done. I am grateful for where I came from, the people I’ve encountered & the moments of vulnerability. Thankfully, God is with me & He loves me.

If you would like to keep in touch you can follow me on twitter— @hiimlucy or instagram @hiimlucyjet or facebook me!

Also, from now on I’ll be posting music videos and funny videos once a day, starting today, for the next year.

Don’t be a pee-on!

Love, Lucy Jet.