Almost Mrs. Pinkerton

I can’t believe it but I know it’s almost here…

I am almost Mrs. Pinkerton. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited about a name or a family or person.

As some of you know, my last name is not my biological last name. matter of fact no one really knows what it is. I always had this plan when I turned 21 I would change my biological name to something more fitting. (that never happened) Now, I get to change my last name to my best friends last name. How cool is that? How good is God? How faithful is he to me?! SOOO faithful. When I think about being Lucy Pinkerton, my eyes begin to water. my heart begins to beat faster & I get butterflies in my stomach. I love Josh, I love everything about him. I love his flaws. I love his heart. I love the way he communicates. I love the way he shows love to his friends and family. He’s my best friend & I can’t wait to be His wife.

Lucy ALMOST Pinkerton. 🙂

 

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Inspired by.

“Some people might look at her & say, oh man look at how concrete her walls are. Look at how hard thats going to be for it to come down.. And when they come down, cause they will come down where will the concrete hit? Who will it effect? Who will be hurt because she is free? They said it takes yrs to put those walls up-
so many offenses, so many hurts & fears…

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Can she deal?, they ask. Can she really move pass this past of pain & insecurity?

Yeah, yeah she can. All the seasons that’ve led her here to this specific season have been exactly what she needed.

She is a women, taking back her health, her heart & her passion.”

Inspired by Good Looks off Canteen Killas newest ep/album named, Cathartic.

careful, careless.

it’s been a while since I’ve blogged & I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. So much so it’s forced me to do things to myself (like color my hair) that I wouldn’t do if i was sane. lol. jk. 

what’s on my mind & what comes out of my mouth have been two different things for months when I am with certain people. what’s on my heart & what I actually do everyday are two different things and I don’t like it. I don’t like who i’ve become. 

sure, I’m a “badass bitch with no cares in the world.” but that badass bitch is really just hiding a lot emotions/feelings she hasn’t dealt with for years. I could say woe is me- my father committed suicide or my mother beat me growing up or my grandma kicked me out two weeks prior to moving in because she felt i was being holier than thou. I could say all of those things but I won’t. I’ve brought myself here to this party of one & only I can change that. 

I asked a friend the other day if they would consider going to church with me because I didn’t want to do it alone again. They said they would think about it but the more I wait for the denying response, the more I anticipate when this season will be over. 

I am a human. I have a heart. A human heart & a spiritual heart. A few months ago, I realized my spirit man was dying & I cried out to God to be helped but that didn’t do anything. I don’t have passion nor drive to get me to church or open up the bible that was given to me by a youth pastor who married one of his youth. 

Have I been sidetracked my entire life? Have I been blind for 24 years? Have I been so convinced that if you speak life- life will live? Have I truly been Hitler’d? 

I’m not sure where I am. Where I stand. nor where I am going. & that is all my fault. 

I didn’t listen to those spiritual leaders that said, “if you keep going on like this you’ll end up dead..” well I’m not dead…it’s worst… i have no vision. no passion. no drive. 

Is this what I expected? No not at all..i did it all to have a story & now that i have that story i don’t even want to tell it because it doesn’t make me sound cool, it makes me sound empty, helpless & lonely surrounded by the same empty, helpless & lonely people.

I thought I could be strong in my faith & bring folks closer to Jesus instead I probably drove people away. My bitterness probably did more than I intended as well. 

Here I sit as a sheep with no shepherd. 

do not pity me. i did this to myself. 

depressed, stressed & helpless. 

Spiritual Farming

Over-Saved

Tell me if this sounds familiar.

You are a Christian. You have been raised in your faith and have known about it your entire life. You went to church 13 times a week, spent countless summers at Bible Camp and even went to a Christian College. Then for whatever reason, you got sick of “the Bubble.”

You left for a while and enjoyed some sin. You discovered what the world was like on Sunday mornings between 10-12. You learned that one drop of alcohol will not give you a liver disease. You enjoyed having an extra 10 percent of your paycheck in your pocket. You found a life outside of the churchhouse.

Then you wised up and realized that although that was fun for a couple weeks/months/year, you still felt empty because deep down inside, you still held close to your Christian faith. You still believed it and you knew…

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Get this thing off me!

This is a rant/my blog…

Having 3 or 4 social media sites is so accepted these days that i truly believe we have all been brainwashed into thinking we absolutely NEED them.

So I will be taking a break.

Ive been off fb for a wk now.
This wk ill be off twitter.
& the following wk ill be off instagram & eventually.
Ill be off of everything EXCEPT my blog.

You should try it.