public apology

to the past,

 

to the people whom I effected in the past- this is my public apology. I am not perfect. I am still learning. I have so much growing to do. I realized I kinda just said, “eff you” to the past several years. everything I worked hard for, the relationships built & now I’ve pretty much burned all those bridges down. I guess that’s what I wanted though. I wanted to figure out who I was & what I wanted. Not what was best for me via other people. Not saying that the past several years was a lie and not me. that was me. that was me trying to figure me out & now I’m here. still figuring out what I’m about. I’ve done a lot of growing and taken a lot of risk. I am so glad I’ve made every decision I’ve made wrong or right in your eyes because now I am here. Where I want to be, who I want to be with and on the path that I know God has called me to be on right now. This apology is more for me so that I won’t feel super guilty for cutting some people out of my life. No one should feel bad for living their life and being happy. So I apologize to those people whom I’ve hurt. I didn’t intend to hurt you but I do believe you did intend to hurt me & make me feel bad with your words, although I’m not gonna take it anymore. Your words are yours- not mine. To that one person- You were a good friend. I’m sure you had the best intentions. May God bless your career & your new family. To everyone else- I apologize if I’ve let you down & for not being there for you.

 

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pizza

to the internetz,

 

 

While listening to this song I remembered a bold statement that was said out of my mouth to some close friends last night.

“i think im gonna start hosting youth rallies again” & in my heart I said, “I’m going to host youth rallies again for Jesus.”

It’s been about a year since I hosted one. The vision is dusty like a bible in a motel 6. I’ve been praying and speaking with two anointed women of God lately whom are my faithful friends and intercessors. One of them writes to me a quote from their husband who is also an anointed man of God who is a faithful friend and intercessor… He says, “the best faith journeys are the ones we take alone.” If you read closely, in my opinion, He’s revealing that usually faith journey’s include multiple folks. When in fact that’s partially true…

I’m currently on an faith meets adventure meets real life 9-5 no church attending just daily conversations with Jesus and anointed women and men of God- journey.

I miss the fellowship that the church brings although I have to yet to put myself in that situation again. I’ve been invited plenty of times I just can’t seem to bring myself to actually going to a church service or prayer service.

Am I scared of confrontation? Am I scared that people will say… “oh lucy she was once a christian but no longer is because of her actions”

Yes, it just sounds like a bunch of condemnation which is from the devil not from God.

Yes, i know i shouldn’t listen to those thoughts or words from peeps. Although I am.

Bold Lucy is still Bold Lucy with a lot of sensitivity.

I’ve found myself listening to worship music, praying & interceding, crying & weeping for God to come into my heart & wreck my life daily.

I want to boldly love him (Jesus- not again but for the first time all over)

I want to love people & not feel like my love for them isn’t worth it.

My love for people comes from God.

My love to serve might have been taken advantage of but it was sincere & that comes from God.

So can I do it?

Can I really start doing youth rallies again?

Can I bring myself to ask for help from people?

I’m sure I can I just don’t know when.

I’m not cleaning up btw to the folks who are like, “oh but she drinks, oh but she uses profanity, oh but look at who she hangs out with.”

If you can remember when the love of Christ overtakes ones whole heart, the person wants to be consumed by Jesus’ love & nothing else.

So let the power of the love of Christ compel me.

 

harsh

i think sometimes i can be a bit harsh on my blog towards my past and the people who’ve been apart of my life. i would like to apologize for hurting anyone’s feelings although there’s a saying I’ve stuck by for years & it’s this… “truth hurts, so suck it up…” The truth will set you free, it says so in the bible whether it hurts your heart or not it’s the truth. sometimes when I read back on my blogs, my own feelings get hurt by what I’ve typed about people and even situations. but it’s the truth. I would rather live open & free-minded about my life, having nothing to hide then fill my life with lies and deceit as if I am better than the next person. Here is my vow to myself though… I, Lucy, will not be moved nor changed by the thoughts of others only if it betters myself and the situation at hand. I will live day to day & not worry or fret about the future. God is for me. God is in me & when I fall He will catch me.

Matilda

For the past four months Ive been doing a self evaluation once a week. Yesterday I was sitting with a friend who knows little about me & I know little her about as well. I havent really opened up to anyone about my stance on my beliefs and religion. Ive been taking on each day at a time. For 6 years I was in the full time ministry (as in getting paid to go to church etc etc). Thats all I knew. Last year I realized Id never been to church on my own. Isnt that shocking? Never once did I get up & want to go to church in the past SIX YEARS. When I was a child I would beg my mom to take me. Sometimes she would even ground me from attending. I knew when I was 17 that God placed this huge passionate desire to reach out to young folks in the inner city because thats where I was reached. I started to do youth rallies with my friends and last year I got pretty serious and started getting all this help. It became super overwhelming. I was discouraged. I had people saying, “we support you but we’ll stand back and not help you.” like there words were all they had. I was driving back home from having dinner with josh and michelle tonight…i started to think about where I went wrong. What did I do to have been brought so far? I examined my surroundings from this time last year and this time now. This time last year I had bystanders in my life. This time now I have participators in my life. People who are doing life with me. Not just watching. I would like to think this is what church should be like. A group of people living life to the fullest and not holding their breath for heaven or for Jesus to come back. A group of people willing to examine themselves and embrace their flaws. A group of people who fear God and love him at the same time. As I sat there opening up to this friend sharing our thoughts about Jesus and life, i geniunely felt free. God. Crying out to God knowing youre not alone. God setting me up. Setting up my surroundings.

Who am I?

I am typing this on my phone while laying in my bed. I have a stained shirt on. I just killed a spider. For a week now I’ve been dancing in my sleep. Feeling restless in my skin when I arise; I can see the change in my body, I can feel the sadness in my heart to long for something greater, for something not near. The dreams I have, (because thats all I do have) when I close my eyes are more real than the air I gasp for when I awake from my slumber. More real than the blurry vision I see when the sun hits my face at the crack of dawn. Who Am I? For years, I listened to the opinion & beliefs of others so passionately that I am one of them. As much as, I would love to be different; I am. I must love the path I’ve chosen because I have been given free will. I must deal with the consequences of actions. The actions that make a pot hole in Houston bigger, like a dry sponge soaking up water…i am expanding. I must live with the expansion or take action. Who am I? I voice my speech on facebook & receive comments, messages, phone calls & judgemental remarks all from people who barely know me. You saw me pass you in a hallway & now you care? Please let me save us some time & walk away. You can pray to God to save my soul but he already has. He sees my heart. He knows my thoughts. He gets me. Who am I? God who am I?

it’s been a year a long long year

finish what you start

Hey People of the internetz,

I officially blogged a year straight. except for missing most of april. which is due to being extremely busy. hopefully i’ll be able to jump back on this train but as for now i must lay it down. I recently received a raise at work & have been taking care of my health & well-being. I also booked a spontaneous trip to California with a good friend in June & I’ll be heading out to Oklahoma, Austin & Louisiana in the month of May. I’ll be in New York for New Years & Hopefully in Boston for August/September. I’m excited about travelling for work and for pleasure. Josh & I have been together a strong 4 months. We’ll be hosting a party for our 6 month anniversary. It’s big deal because commitment is a big deal to me so we’re gonna celebrate being friends and loving each other unconditionally. I have a new car, new glasses, a new tattoo & my own NEW furniture. I’m also thinking about going back to school. Hopefully I’ll set up an appointment with someone at the local college next wk. Lately, I’ve been thinking about where I was a few years ago… “in the middle of a move of God” & where I am now…which is doing the complete opposite of what I’ve ever done. I am grateful for where I came from, the people I’ve encountered & the moments of vulnerability. Thankfully, God is with me & He loves me.

If you would like to keep in touch you can follow me on twitter— @hiimlucy or instagram @hiimlucyjet or facebook me!

Also, from now on I’ll be posting music videos and funny videos once a day, starting today, for the next year.

Don’t be a pee-on!

Love, Lucy Jet.