alas, i can breathe again.

going going going pause…and go again.

the past few months i’ve made decisions that not everyone approves of

much less is proud of me for making.

although i am always brought back to judgement day.

when my Abba Father will ask me what was i thinking.

in reality, i’ve thought this out….i wanted to have fun.

thats all. just fun.


why? was it really just for fun? was my heart in the right place?

why is it october & im still dwelling on the past?

its obvious that it effected me.

moving forward.

i was at church sunday morning & His presence was so sweet.

by His presence i mean God, Jesus & The Holy Spirit.

today, i was sitting with the infamous boyfriend at my job.

something hit me.

I do not know how to love…

like love love…

i know how to love people unconditionally but

to love someone with intimate feelings…like to get married to tell the person you love them in that sort of way…

i dont know how to love that way….yet.

and i let him know…and he understood.

then he proceeded to say “…he wanted to be my best friend..”

out of no where he said this.  it’s like he has espn or something.

i was quick to say what?






not going back.


ive decided for myself that who i am is

who God has made me to be.

i am a scatter-brained, lover of people, music & passionate-Jesus believer.

thank you for reading.


2 thoughts on “alas, i can breathe again.

  1. I know that you don’t know me, nor I you, but reading this made me think of a recent conversation that I had with one of my friends. He told me of how, until recently, he did not know how to love…at all. He cared nothing for his friends or those close to him. He didn’t know how to love, nor did he want to. He even told me of how he did not love God, he is a Christian but still did not know truly how to love God. As he desired that love and drew closer to God, he learned how to. God is now teaching him how to love others.

    I say this to make this point. Until we are truly where we need to be with God, we will never love others. Especially in a romantic sens. We must first understand how to love God, and grasp the fullness of His grace. Continue growing in your relationship with Him, and He will teach you how to love “the one” for you.

    • Thank you for opening my eyes to My First Love. I thought the same thing in my head but hearing/reading it from someone else makes even more sense & i heard this comment clearly. Thanks ReganBell.

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